Suicidal or not
I am not suicidal. I could never be brave enough to go through with it. It being the actual act of murdering myself. I just fantasize about not being here. Either having never been born or just disappearing into nothingness. It sounds so lovely and relaxing.
Admiration for people who kill themselves
I cannot imagine being brave enough to follow through. I fantasize about being "gone" but if I try to actually think about accomplishing that end then I get stuck. If I could just fall asleep and never wake up I think I would be dead by now but there is no guarantee that you death is certain.
Mad, frustrated, angry, apopleptic
Anger is my most constant emotion. I am so mad and irritated so often. Happiness is fleeting and joy is unheard of. I do sweat the small stuff.
I cry a lot, sometimes daily. If I pass a dead animal on the road or one of those transport trucks with pigs or chickens in them I can just breakdown into sobs, so much so that it's difficult to drive.
Depressed or sensitive
I mentioned to the doctor once how I cried so much and she said I was "just sensitive" Those are the two words I recall and I'm not even sure the word depression was brought up but I do wonder.
